Fashion Faux Pas

May 21st, 2010 - Remember when there were just a few fashion faux pas. You know, don't wear white shoes until after Memorial Day, don't wear black socks with sandels, never mix silver and gold jewelry, and whatever you do don't wear eye shadow during the day.

Today's faux pas are many, and they make the ones of the past, seem silly and almost ok in comparision to what you might see today. What I am talking about is those things that really hurt your eyes, make you do a double take, scratch your head and ask do they have a mirror in their house. How about the folks you see who wear pants or jeans so tight they are left with what is called 'muffin top'. That is all the parts of the lower body that do not fit in the pants. You suck in your breath, lay on a bed and pull up the zipper, and all that hangs over the top is 'muffin top'. Now as far as food goes the muffin top might be the best part, but I can tell you it is not pretty to look at, at all. Or how about someone who wears large ear rings. So large they hit the tops of their shoulders and I am not just speaking of women who do this??? How about big Floral print shirts. They may be ok for Hawaii, but let's leave them there when we leave Hawaii, and just a word of caution guys, NEVER, EVER, under any circumstances, do you wear yellow shorts. Not in Hawaii, not on a golf course, not even throwing the garbage. NEVER. Not pretty, and really hard not to stick out in a crowd, or anywhere else for that matter when you do wear them. Here's a news flash ladies, when you are wearing a blouse or shirt, any garments under the blouse or shirt should be invisible and should not have the straps showing, especially when the color of the straps do not match the color of the blouse or shirt. Believe a quick peak in the mirror will convince you it is not a welcome site. How about stripes, plaids and polka dots all within the days outfit. It may look ok and cute in children's books, but it is not top ten material for 'leaving the house' wear. And one last thing. Assessories. The saying is seven is max, two or three preferrable. So if you have seven sets of ear rings on, including the one in your nose and eye brow, skip the six chunky bracelets, or the large beaded necklass. No one will ever notice you did not put them on as they won't be able to get past all the sets of earrings you have on the various parts of your face. I was once behind a person in the airport that set off all the alarms when passing through security. After removing, belt, long dangling earrings, all six large silver rings, chain from pocket that was attached to their large pocket watch, and leather jacket with the 7 separate zippers, the ringing bells stopped..of course so did the line as we waited for the person to put everything back on.

I am not a kill joy, I love to people watch and see the occassionally flashy dresser, it is fun and sometimes very attractive. But for the most part I am left baffled by the new fashions. And no matter how many times I see them, I cannot get a warm fuzzy for pants worn so low your bottom end is hanging out. Who ever invnted that fashion statement I am sure has moved on to shirts, ties and suits that he has bought with all the cash he made from inventing the look in the first place.