March 20th - 2010 When I was a child I was taught to say please and thank you, to address my elders as Miss, Mr. or Mrs., to hold a door for the person behind me, to not chew with my mouth full, to not tug at my clothes, to accept gifts graciously, etc.etc.etc. These simple rules to live by were called 'minding your manners', and there were no excuses for not doing so. I can still see the look my mom gave my brother if he dared to walk into a room and not remove his hat. I am sure you all know that 'mother's look" when she is not happy. Which brings me to my question, "When did 'minding your manners' become obsolete.
Today there is no 'Hello Miss X', there is a 'yo yo mama, what's happening', first I am not this person's mama, and second, a yoyo is a toy, and what does that have to do with saying hello. As this hmm, greeting? is exclaimed the person is painstakingly tugging at their clothes, specifically their pants, for it they didn't they would surely walk right out of them. I still don't understand the fashion statement being made by having two inches of underwear showing and your waist band sitting below your bottom. As for holding the door for the person behind you, I had a door nearly slammed in my face recently, and the 'endearing' person ahead of me who let it slam, smiled and said, "you asked for women's lib". I don't know about women's lib but a little common curtesy would have gone a long way. I must admit I did have a slight smile on my face when he took a step forward, lost his balance, and dropped his briefcase leaving papers scattered everywhere. As I bent down to help him I wondered what he thought about 'women's lib' at this precise moment. While attending a birthday party recently for some young teen, I was surprised to find the 'birthday boy' no where to be found. Seems he was in his upstairs bedroom with his friend playing video games. No, he was not walking around mixing with his guests, thanking them from coming, and making polite small talk. When he finally did emerge from his room, he gathered his 'gifts' and headed towards the stairs. Of course, not known for biting my tongue, I said what about thanking your guest, to which he replied a general thanks to everyone. He then proceeded up the stairs, and as he did I could be heard saying, "Hey, don't you know you should take off your hat when you enter a room?" To which he replied, "We don't live in the dark ages anymore, times have changed". And one other hot button of mine. Whatever happened to 'personal space' you know, arms length, "this is your space, this is mine". I don't need your face to be within inches of mine when we talk, in fact three feet away is preferred. Here is a hint, when you are talking to someone and they step back, they are telling you, "you are invading my space". Your reaction should be to take a step back, NOT forward.
So have times really changed that much. Are having simple manners thought to be 'tabu'. Is it really asking to much for someone to look at me when they talk instead of staring into their 'i phone'. Will it break some normal rythm of the world to have hats removed, pants at your waist, doors being held and respecting my personal space? I thought good manners were the flagstone of harmonious living. You know, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I never realized in our new society, to live harmoniously, we need to interact face to face less and be glued to our i-phone and computers more. With this trend, actual speaking is less and 'please' and 'thank you' have been replaced by :) or to some of the older generation :(
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Your story brought to mind a event in my life...a long time ago. I went out with a boy who my dad thought was clearly a cut above the others I had dated. My dad told me "he looks me square in the eye, has a firm handshake and calls me sir". That boy was so obnoxious on our first date and I had to really physically fight him off of me. Just remember Eddie Haskel from Leave it to Beaver. Great manners, but a schmuck.
ReplyDeleteI loved living in the South where kids said "sir" and "Mam". It sounds so nice. But back in the Midwest I console myself with manners are not always the best indication of the character of a person. But I'm with you, I still like them
I try to be polite all the time and live in a world of manners, but it either goes unappreciated, I am laughed at, or at least people look at me funny for doing it. Sometimes it is fear in their eyes, like "What does this person want?" Also, I hold the door for anyone, it is not about Women's lib anymore (unless they don't have a valid ID to get in the door...) I'll even wait for someone if I see them coming in a reasonable distance. It is just common courtesy. It should be a natural thing to do, not an effort or something you have to think about. At the same time, I don't expect a Thank you, it is just something that we do as a human being.
ReplyDelete