Temper Tantrums - Do we ever really outgrow them?

March 29th, 2010 - Remember when you were a a small child, and you did not get your way. You begged and pleaded but if you still did not get your way your next move was to throw yourself on the floor, begin to thrash, like a fish out of water, all the time screaming in a pitch that could break glass, "but I want it, please, I want it". When your mom or dad finally had enough, they would reach to pick you up and you would immediately relax your body such that you were complete dead weight and as limber as a cooked noodle. Although you only weighed 30 pounds, you felt like 100! Don't say you never did that, because all kids, at least once, tried it.

As adults, ofcourse, we no longer have tantrums if we don't get our way. Yeah, right! We still have them, they are just a little more subtle, but still a tantrum. Sometimes when we don't get our way about something, not anything, the stakes are much bigger now, after all we are adults, the dialogue between you and whoever is the person not granting your way goes something like this. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "you are awful quiet." "I don't have anything to say." "Are you sure you are ok?" "I'm fine." "You sure?" "I said I am fine, don't make a big deal out of me being quiet." "Fine." Fine." "FINE." And for the next hour there is usually utter silence until someone (the one who did not give you your way apologizes for whatever it is they did that they think got you mad. Funny but everyone has these moments and later we laugh at ourselves for being so silly. Or what about this type of behavior. You have to go to an event that you really don't want to go to so...no matter what, you refuse to have a good time. Period, you will go, but don't expect me to enjoy myself and for that matter neither will you because everytime you glance my way, I will make sure to give you the 'Look'. You know the 'look'. Your eyebrows go up, your head tilts down, and your mouth is in a straight line, not a smile, not a frown, more like a sneer that says, "I really hate that I have to be here, so don't even look at me". When I did that to my husband it was his signal to really egg me on. He would cock his head at me and smile and then tilt his head the other way and pout his lips and continuing doing this til I gave in and smiled, and all was well. One of my favorite tantrums was when my husband rushed in front outside one day and said, "honey, where is my new blue t-shirt, you know the light blue one?" "What do you need that for?" "Oh, it is the exact color that Cindy next door wants to pant her living room" (Did I mention Cindy was our gorgeous next door neighbor, with natural curly honey blond hair, and taught areobics, in her shiny size 2 leotard) I looked at him and said, "why don't you put in on and Cindy can just drag you from store to store?" He looked at me questioningly, and ran out. But here's the good part....the next time I washed it...I bleached it. It was no longer the perfect shade for Cindy's living room. Quite the tantrum, wouldn't you say.

I thought when I grew up tantrums would only be in my past, but that is really not the case. I thought I would be mature now and understand that the whole world is a give and take, ying and the yang, win some and lose some. Yeah, hogwash! I am still, at times, that stubborn little girl who wants what she wants and does not always like when she has to be an adult. So mostly I go with the flow, but every once in awhile, when I am tired and crabby, don't push your luck!