I think I have cold feet

July 22, 2010 - Ok, so here is the deal. I thought maybe I was ready to date again. I was thinking it was time to join the human race again, share some time with a companion, enjoy all that life has to offer. I mean after all, I am not getting any younger, and I would like to meet someone before it is in the nursing home and we are both in wheel chairs. So my friends rallied around me and gave me support. They told me to "put yourself out there". "After all, what have you got to lose"? Oh I don't know, maybe just my dignity, my self esteem, and the biggest thing....my ego!!!

So, with coaxing and a heart full of fear, I decided to try an on-line dating service, for the second time. Yes, I have already shared my previous experience, but I chalked it up to being bad because it was a 'free' site. Maybe if I pay, an incredibly large amount of money, ok, not that much, it is relatively cheap, I will really meet the person I am looking for. Not quite know how that will happen, because I don't really quite know what I am looking for, but for sure they have to be breathing, still have their teeth and they must still be able to walk unattended. Anyway, this time I asked for advice so I could fill out the questionaire with just the right amount of wit and intrigue. I figured that was what I was supposed to do based on all the advise I had been given. Don't tell them too much, just enough to peak their interest (that's the intrigue), say something funny so they know you have humor, but not so funny so that you sound silly (in other words offer just a touch of wit). But the advice I got most often, was to make up stuff. That's right, I should like, make myself out to be more than I really am. They told me to remember the main objective was to make sure someone would be interested in me. Kinda of left me wondering, make stuff up... am I really that boring? If I was truthful would they hit the delete button quicker than I hit it when I tried the 'free' on-line dating? Well, after having my daughter-in-law..um, let's just say 'tweak' my profile, and change out every single picture that I had posted, well...I got some folks who were interested...the trouble is now that they are interested...I am scared, freaked, terrified...what if they are terrorists, or seriel killers, or I don't know aliens. What am I going to do? Do I meet them for coffee, what if they put something in my drink? Do I let them call me, what if they find out where I live and try to break in? Do I meet them somewhere out in public, what if they see me and run? I am overwhelmed with worry. What will I do?

Well, I guess you will just have to stayed tuned? Will I meet the person of my dreams? Will I continue to find reasons why each person who wants to meet me is not right for me? Will I sabatoge my own happiness by being to afraid to take a leap of faith...we will just have to wait and see. But let me say this. I used to thinking dating was fun, almost a game of cat and mouse. Now I know, dating is not for the faint of heart, it is full of risks and rejections. But who knows, it may also be the best time of your life....