June 29th, 2010 - My frustration is through the roof. I just spent 55 minutes on the phone pushing numerous numbers, shouting out information that I was asked to repeat, so I screamed louder, I was put on hold, switched to the wrong department and all of this happened without really talking to a real live person. Whatever happened to real people on the other end of a phone. Does every company in the world use automatic response systems.
So I needed to call the hospital to inquire about my bill and gain an understanding of all the charges. The call starts simple enough. Please call this number that is shown in bold letters on the bill. No problem. After two rings I hear, you have reached our automatic response system, please listen to all 200 options before you make your selection, and don't try to pick before I say them all, or I will be forced to start all over and read them again. Oh and if you try to dial 0 to reach an operator, I will end this call and you will have to start all over. That is not exactly what they said, but that is exactly what I heard. After going through the options I finally pick option 6 - speak to someone in billing. Once tranferred there I hear, if you are calling about a bill...hold everything, of course I am calling about a bill, that is why I picked billing. As I was saying if you are calling about a bill, and you wish to thank us for getting that bill out to you so quickly, press 1. If you want to thank us for giving you convenient payment options...like use any functioning credit card you have that still has an open balance, press 2. If you wish to set up a payment plan because you are obviously a slacker, press 3. If you wish to dispute your bill, which you will be wasting your time doing, press 4. Or if you wish to give a sob story to someone who could care less about your problem, press 0. Please note, if you do select option 0 you will be waiting a long time, as there are several, many, lots and lots of folks in line ahead of you. After a very long wait I hear, your phone call may be recorded so we can check our customer service. "How may I help you"? "Oh, Hello, I am trying to understand some of the charges on my bill, could we review the bill together"? "I am sorry this is the sob story line. You need to speak to someone who might have a clue about how the charges were calculated. That is a whole different option, please call this 800 number and listen to the 200 options again. Have a nice day." CLICK...CLICK that is it. She hangs up!
I am dumb founded, disappointed, and wanting to rip apart the phone. I thought it would be no big deal to talk to a billing representative to find out why a two day stay in the hospital adds up to $56,000. Not including doctor charges. Why I am charged six dollars for a small, really small box of kleenex, and why there is a special charge for portable restroom facility - translation - they gave me a bed pan. But, as always, what is and what I thought are never quite the same. So for now, I decided to do the only thing I can think of....I am changing the voice mail on my home phone so that when the hospital calls me inquiring about my bill payment, and they will, I will have a wonderful recording that will lead them through the same option hell I was led through! Not let's see - option 29 ......
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Sometimes the backdoor is easier...
ReplyDeleteI found a trick that works on 'some' automated telephone response systems, don't push any buttons... not even the one that asks you if you want to listen in English. Once you do, it tell their system you have digital capabilities. Turn off your caller ID before hand. You want them to think you have an analog phone.
If their system has been programmed correctly, the call then reverts to an operator or receptionist after a period of 30 seconds or so... even if the same greeting message is repeated 3~ times. There are still enough 'old' phones in existence that companies can't be arrogant enough to ignore them.
Once you've made it this far, ask for the department (or, a person, if you're lucky enough to have a name). Don't try to explain your issue at this level or you may just get dropped into the 'normal' queue. Use their website to glean names they use to identify their departments (sometimes the Contacts page contain info on 'real' people).
Try something like, "This is {your name} and I'd like to speak to someone in Small Appliances (for example)." Unless the operator knows everybody in the company (and, they usually don't), they can't distinguish if you're an outsider or insider (unless their system separates consumer phone lines from company lines). They definitely don't want to upset an insider.
If I get series of automated questions or put on hold for an unreasonable amount of time, I'll hang up and give it a try.
This doesn't work every time. In fact I'd say it works less than 50% of the time. But, when it does work I get this warm feeling that I can beat their &*$@+ system.